How To Overcome a Fear Of Being Alone

Recently, I have been helping a lot of clients who have a fear of being alone. Typically, they feel very panicked when their partner goes away and they are at home alone overnight. But this fear can also extend to situations such as travelling on your own or living alone for the first time. It is a horrible way to feel and has a huge impact on your life. The good news is that it is also very treatable.

When you are suffering with any anxiety related issue, such as a fear of being alone, try cutting down on caffeine. Caffeine exacerbates your underlying level of anxiety and simply switching to decaf is a quick win.

From the field of cognitive behavioural therapy, there is a theory that our thoughts lead to our behaviours and our feelings. So we have a negative thought and this thought directly causes a range of negative behaviours and feelings. In this case, that negative feeling is a fear of being alone. A brilliant technique to use is the Thought Form technique.

Thought Forms are laid out as follows:

­­­	Thoughts	Behaviours	Feelings
Negative
Positive

When you notice a negative feeling (e.g. feeling anxiety when you are alone) or a negative behaviour (putting pressure on your partner to stay at home) note it down in the thought form and try to identify the negative thought which caused the negative behaviour and feelings.

Next, identify a more positive thought, behaviour and feeling and note them down in the form.

In the case of a fear of being alone, your form might look like this.

­­­	Thoughts	Behaviours	Feelings
Negative	Something bad will happen to me if I stay at home alone.	Put pressure on partner to stay at home even though they need to go away for work.	Anxiety. Frustrated with myself.
Positive	I am fine. I can enjoy time on my own to do what I want to do.	Watch my favourite film / TV show. Cook a nice meal for myself.	Relaxed, calm, pleased with myself. Enjoying my evening by myself.

At first this exercise can feel a little artificial. You understand it logically but you don't really believe
the positive thoughts. However, doing this exercise for a short while, you become much better and nipping negative thoughts in the bud before they lead to the negative behaviours and feelings. You also start to automatically replace them with the positive thoughts.

If you would like more information about how hypnotherapy can help you, then please get in touch here.

Relationship Insecurities

Have you ever checked your partner's phone or emails? Have you ever been in a bad mood because your partner didn't answer your calls or text you back quickly enough? Have you ever fought with a partner because they found you controlling?
These are all classic symptoms of feeling insecure in a relationship. When you feel insecure in a relationship you try to reassure yourself by checking what your partner has been doing or by questioning them a lot. You try to protect yourself by preventing situations in which they might cheat. The problem with this, is that these behaviours push your partner away, until your fear of losing them becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The root of the feelings of insecurity, which cause the negative behaviours, is low self-esteem. When you feel insecure you have a subconscious negative belief that,
"I'm not good enough," or
"I don't deserve."

These beliefs are completely false and hold you back in life. Of course you are good enough and deserve to be in a happy relationship, if that is what you want.

These negative beliefs are usually picked up earlier in your life, often from things like being bullied at school, being in an emotionally abusive relationship or being cheated on by a previous partner.

Here are three simple strategies to boost your self-esteem and enhance your relationships.

1) Accept compliments with a "Thank You." Also accept them in your own mind.

2) Do something every day just for you. This isn't something you need to do, or have to do, it's something that is just for you. This boosts your self-esteem as you get into the habit of putting your own needs first.

3) Write down at least three good things about yourself every day. These could be things you like about your physical appearance, skills you have, activities you have done well that day, nice personality traits etc.

Here's the link to a video where I explain these tasks in more details.

https://youtu.be/mTmPMwnVTK4

If you have found this article beneficial please do check out my website for more information about how hypnotherapy can help you.