How to combat low self-esteem

“I spend ages deciding what to wear before I go out because I don’t want people to judge me negatively,” said one of my clients, in her first consultation.

She went on to say that she was worried about getting found out that she wasn’t really good enough for her job. She was also avoiding taking a course at work because she was convinced she would fail.

These types of worries, assuming people are judging you negatively, assuming you will fail or get found out, or telling yourself you are not good enough, are all typical symptoms of low self-esteem.

As a hypnotherapist low self-esteem is probably the most common issue I treat.

Although it is an incredibly common issue, people tend not to talk about it. My clients often worry that they are strange or different. However, feeling like this is very common. People also often assume that it is just the way they are and that they have to continue through life feeling this way.

However, you do not. There are lots of wonderful ways to boost self-esteem. Our self-esteem underpins everything else. As our self-esteem improves we feel less anxious, happier, more confident, more capable and generally a lot better.

So, how can you boost your self-esteem?

First of all notice the way you talk to yourself in your own mind. Do you say things like;

“I look fat.”

“I have nothing interesting to say. Everyone will think I’m boring.”

“I’m not smart enough to get a promotion.”

“I always mess things up.”

Now, think about your best friend or sibling, someone you care about very much.

Imagine saying these things to them. You wouldn’t, would you? If you wouldn’t say these things to a best friend, you should not be saying them to yourself. Treat yourself as your own best friend. Talk to yourself in your own mind in a positive way.

When we have low self-esteem we often put the needs of other people above our own needs. Low self-esteem is putting a low value on ourselves. A great way to put our own needs first, to increase the value we place on ourselves, and in turn to boost self-esteem, is to do something everyday just for you. This isn’t something you need to do or have to do. It is something you want to do. I know for me this would be to have some time to myself, reading a travel magazine while enjoying a coffee in a café with a gorgeous view.

When we suffer with low self-esteem we often focus on the negative things about ourselves. We discount the positive. For example, if you receive a compliment do you instantly deflect it? Do you dwell excessively on a small criticism? If so, then this will contribute to low self-esteem.

A great way to combat this is to write down three good things about yourself every day. These could be physical features of yourself you like, skills and talents you have, or things you have done well that day. Feel free to write more than three. At first this can be very challenging but it gets easier with practice and you will notice a huge difference immediately.

Now that you are recognising the good things about yourself, you can start accepting the good things other people say about you. If you used to deflect compliments, start accepting compliments with a simple “thank you.” As well as boosting your self-esteem it is kinder to the person giving you the compliment.

Low-self esteem is very common, although many of us are not aware of how common it is. It can be very debilitating but the good news is that there are lots of simple, practical steps you can take to boost it. If you would like further information simply email cs@cs-hypnotherapy.co.uk. If you have comments, experiences or thoughts which could help others, please add them to the comments below.

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy, well-being and personal development, please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.

How to increase self-confidence

People often associate hypnotherapy with weight loss and giving up smoking. However, in my years of practice, I have seen far more people for confidence and self-esteem issues.

Low self-confidence and self-esteem is a very common problem. For some people it’s a general feeling of not being good enough, or a fear of being found out. For others, they feel a lack of confidence in certain situations, such as social events, or in meetings at work.

Although a lack of self-confidence is very common, it can also be crippling. Before coming to see me, many of my clients had been held back from achieving their full potential. People who lack confidence in social situations often get very anxious about them and therefore avoid socialising. This can make them feel lonely. Others, who lack confidence in a work environment, have often not progressed as far as they could have in their careers, because they avoided interviews or speaking up in meetings.

However, there is no need to feel like this. You can easy build your self confidence. Here are eight simple steps to take to increase your self-confidence:

11)      Download your hypnosis MP3 to Build Self-Confidence.

A freebie just for you guys. You can have a hypnosis MP3 (usually £10) for building self-confidence. Simply email me on cs@cs-hypnotherapy.co.uk with the message "I want to be super confident." 

22)      Accept compliments  

What happens when you receive a compliment? Do you immediately deflect  or dismiss it? It’s very common to push compliments away when you have low self-confidence. From now on accept compliments with a simple “Thank You.” Also, make sure you accept the compliment in your own mind.

3)      Do something every day just for you.

 Plan something every day that you enjoy. This is not something you should do, or need to do. It’s something that you want to do. This lifts your mood and is great for your self-esteem as you are putting yourself first.




4)      Speak to yourself as though you are your own best friend  

Notice how you speak to yourself in your own mind. We often speak to ourselves in a very negative way. Are you ever critical about yourself in your own mind? Often we say things to ourselves that we wouldn’t dream of saying to a best friend. Speaking to yourself in a negative way has a detrimental effect on your confidence. From now on, talk to yourself in an encouraging and motivational way. It’s amazing how quickly this will make a difference to your self-confidence.

55)      Learn from others.

As children, we learn by copying the behaviour of adults. This learning continues when we are adults. We can learn negative or positive behaviours from others. Think of someone who is confident. Choose someone who is quietly confident, and has an air of calm and being happy in their own skin. Don’t choose someone who is overly loud or brash. These people often lack confidence too. Once you’ve thought of someone who has an air of inner confidence, notice how they behave. How do they speak? How do they walk? How do they use eye contact? Once you’ve noticed these things, start incorporating them into your own behaviour patterns. At first this feels a little artificial, but it soon becomes second nature.

66)      Challenge yourself.

If we are anxious about certain situations, if certain situations are beyond your comfort zone, it’s very easy to avoid those situations. The problem is, that by avoiding certain situations, your comfort zone becomes smaller and smaller. As you avoid things, you become more anxious about less challenging situations, and avoid them to. Until, you become very limited in what you can do. Challenging yourself reverses this process. Push your boundaries. Do something every day that scares you a little. This is a great thing to do. It puts you back in control. You also show yourself that you can handle various situations.

77)      Write down three good things about yourself

When we have low self-confidence and self-esteem, we often fail to see the good things about ourselves. We can be very hard on ourselves. Every day write down three good things about yourself. These could be things you like about your physical appearance, talents you have, or things you have done well that day. At first this can be difficult, particularly if you have low self-esteem. However, over time it becomes easier.

88)      Surround yourself with positive people

 We are influenced by those around us. If you spend a lot of time with people who are anxious are depressed, it will naturally affect you. Spend more time with happy confident people and it will bring you up.

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy, well-being and personal development, please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.