How To Overcome a Fear Of Being Alone

Recently, I have been helping a lot of clients who have a fear of being alone. Typically, they feel very panicked when their partner goes away and they are at home alone overnight. But this fear can also extend to situations such as travelling on your own or living alone for the first time. It is a horrible way to feel and has a huge impact on your life. The good news is that it is also very treatable.

When you are suffering with any anxiety related issue, such as a fear of being alone, try cutting down on caffeine. Caffeine exacerbates your underlying level of anxiety and simply switching to decaf is a quick win.

From the field of cognitive behavioural therapy, there is a theory that our thoughts lead to our behaviours and our feelings. So we have a negative thought and this thought directly causes a range of negative behaviours and feelings. In this case, that negative feeling is a fear of being alone. A brilliant technique to use is the Thought Form technique.

Thought Forms are laid out as follows:

­­­	Thoughts	Behaviours	Feelings
Negative
Positive

When you notice a negative feeling (e.g. feeling anxiety when you are alone) or a negative behaviour (putting pressure on your partner to stay at home) note it down in the thought form and try to identify the negative thought which caused the negative behaviour and feelings.

Next, identify a more positive thought, behaviour and feeling and note them down in the form.

In the case of a fear of being alone, your form might look like this.

­­­	Thoughts	Behaviours	Feelings
Negative	Something bad will happen to me if I stay at home alone.	Put pressure on partner to stay at home even though they need to go away for work.	Anxiety. Frustrated with myself.
Positive	I am fine. I can enjoy time on my own to do what I want to do.	Watch my favourite film / TV show. Cook a nice meal for myself.	Relaxed, calm, pleased with myself. Enjoying my evening by myself.

At first this exercise can feel a little artificial. You understand it logically but you don't really believe
the positive thoughts. However, doing this exercise for a short while, you become much better and nipping negative thoughts in the bud before they lead to the negative behaviours and feelings. You also start to automatically replace them with the positive thoughts.

If you would like more information about how hypnotherapy can help you, then please get in touch here.

Relationship Insecurities

Have you ever checked your partner's phone or emails? Have you ever been in a bad mood because your partner didn't answer your calls or text you back quickly enough? Have you ever fought with a partner because they found you controlling?
These are all classic symptoms of feeling insecure in a relationship. When you feel insecure in a relationship you try to reassure yourself by checking what your partner has been doing or by questioning them a lot. You try to protect yourself by preventing situations in which they might cheat. The problem with this, is that these behaviours push your partner away, until your fear of losing them becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

The root of the feelings of insecurity, which cause the negative behaviours, is low self-esteem. When you feel insecure you have a subconscious negative belief that,
"I'm not good enough," or
"I don't deserve."

These beliefs are completely false and hold you back in life. Of course you are good enough and deserve to be in a happy relationship, if that is what you want.

These negative beliefs are usually picked up earlier in your life, often from things like being bullied at school, being in an emotionally abusive relationship or being cheated on by a previous partner.

Here are three simple strategies to boost your self-esteem and enhance your relationships.

1) Accept compliments with a "Thank You." Also accept them in your own mind.

2) Do something every day just for you. This isn't something you need to do, or have to do, it's something that is just for you. This boosts your self-esteem as you get into the habit of putting your own needs first.

3) Write down at least three good things about yourself every day. These could be things you like about your physical appearance, skills you have, activities you have done well that day, nice personality traits etc.

Here's the link to a video where I explain these tasks in more details.

https://youtu.be/mTmPMwnVTK4

If you have found this article beneficial please do check out my website for more information about how hypnotherapy can help you.

5 Keys To Mental Wellbeing

Achieving a good mental state doesn't have to involve expensive therapy and complicated techniques. Here are some easy strategies you can implement into your life, starting today.

1) Cut out caffeine

Having worked with hundreds of people suffering from anxiety, I have seen first hand, the dramatic results of simply cutting out caffeine. Often we feel as though we need that tea or coffee. However, what we actually need is a drink. Try switching to de-caff for a week and see what a difference it makes to your underlying level of stress and anxiety. Be aware that products such as diet coke and green tea often contain caffeine. This strategy is such an easy, quick win for mental strength.

2) Meditation

Meditation helps you to focus more and to feel confident that you can cope with situations. When you feel overwhelmed by your 'To Do' list, meditation is the perfect antidote. It doesn't have to involve incense, chanting and tie-dye! Headspace is a great app. It's very down to Earth and many of the sessions are only 10 minutes long, so you can easily fit them into day to day life.

3) Walking outside

Exercising outside is great for so many reasons. Obviously it's good for your physical health, which in turn can impact on your self-esteem. However, there are additional benefits to your mental wellbeing. Exercise is great for reducing stress (see my previous post on anxiety for the science behind this). Sunlight is also very beneficial for lifting mood. So get outside for a walk whenever you can.



4) Talking to yourself in a positive way

Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. Do you find you can be very self-critical? Or label yourself in a very negative way? Often, we tell ourselves things that we wouldn't dream of saying to a friend or family member. Notice when you do this and change it. Imagine what you would say to someone you care very deeply about. You would encourage them in a positive and motivational way. So, do the same to yourself.

5) Surround yourself with positive people

We are social animals. We are naturally influenced by those around us.  Notice how the different people in your life make you feel. If there is someone who puts you down, or who is always moaning about how bad the world is, make a conscious effort to spend less time with that person and more time with those people who make you feel good.

How To Overcome Anxiety

People experience anxiety in  different ways. For some, it is a rush of thoughts running through their mind. For others it is a racing heart or a feeling of dread in their stomach. Others feel tense, hot and sweaty. However you experience anxiety, it is a very unpleasant sensation.

The Biology Of Anxiety

Anxiety is a natural state and is part of our autonomic nervous system (ANS). Our autonomic nervous system keeps us alive, without us having to consciously be aware of things. For example, our autonomic nervous system controls our breathing, heart rate, digestion etc.

The part of our ANS which causes anxiety is the "Sympathetic Nervous System," also called the "Fight Or Flight" response.

Like all parts of our ANS, the Fight Or Flight response was designed to keep us safe. Thousands of years ago, it would have kicked in when humans were in genuine danger, such as fighting with a neighbouring tribe or running from a predator. In these situations, the fight or flight response is perfect. It releases adrenaline, makes you hyper-alert, increases your heart rate and breathing rate so you have more oxygen to run or fight. The system was perfectly designed to cope with short term dangers, in which running or fighting was the correct response. However, our biology has not kept up with the changes in our lifestyles. Nowadays, people perceive threats as things like, not being accepted socially, failing an exam, public speaking or having a short timeframe to get a project completed. Our brain perceives these problems as a threat and activates the sympathetic nervous system, which reacts in the only way it knows how, by releasing adrenaline, stimulating blood flow, increasing sweating and blood flow to the face (blushing). Unfortunately this physical response is completely inappropriate in most modern day situations.

So, you can see the mind body interaction here. The mind has a thought, (e.g. I'll make a fool of myself giving a presentation at work and everyone will judge me negatively), and this stimulates the physical response of anxiety.

Thankfully there are some easy strategies to overcome anxiety.

1. Cut out caffeine

Having worked with hundreds of anxious clients, I have seen what a huge difference simply cutting out caffeine makes. Switch to decaf since this is now available in most places. Often we feel as though we need a coffee. However, what we actually need is a hot drink and switching to decaf will still satisfy that need. Beware that caffeine is also in a lot of green teas and soft drinks such as diet coke.

2. Push your boundaries

When a situation makes us feel anxious we tend to avoid it. This creates a momentary feeling of relief, which acts as a positive reinforcement. This can lead to avoidance of other situations in which you used to feel comfortable. Imagine you have a circle of comfort around you. Within the circle are the situations you feel comfortable with. Towards the edge of the circle are situations which cause you to feel a little nervous. Outside of the circle are the situations you actively avoid. The problem with avoidance, is that your circle of comfort gradually shrinks, until you become very limited. The way to overcome this is to push your comfort circle. Every day do something which is a little scary for you. Each time you do this, feel proud of yourself. Over time you will become more confident.

3. Practice mindfulness techniques

Incorporating relaxation, mindfulness or meditation techniques, into your life massively increases your ability to cope with the stresses of every day life. A great meditation app is Headspace. You can also read more on mindfulness here.

4. Download my hypnotic Wash Away Stress MP3

This hypnotic MP3 is one of my most popular. It will enable you to manage your stress levels and to feel calmer every day. You can purchase it here.

5 Ways To Lose Weight Easily

Being overweight has a huge impact on your life. As well as the negative health implications, it also affects your self-confidence. You worry more about how people judge you and how you look in certain clothes. Perhaps your clothes feel uncomfortable as they dig in. Or maybe there's a huge percentage of your wardrobe that you just can't fit into.
We all know that to lose weight we just need to eat fewer calories than we use. It's simply a matter of eating less and exercising more. So, why is it so difficult?

The reason it is so challenging is due to your mindset. It is the way you think about food and exercise, which is holding you back.

Here are some simple strategies to change your mindset and make weight loss easy. At the end of the post there is also a chance to download my Hypnosis For Weight Loss MP3 absolutely free.

1)   Stop "All Or Nothing" Thinking

A very common thought distortion amongst people attempting to lose weight is "all or nothing" thinking. Typically you will be sticking to your diet religiously. Then you'll get too hungry and eat a biscuit. Then think,

"Sod it! I've messed up the diet now. I might as well eat half the packet."

Sound familiar?

Notice when this thought distortion crops up and make a conscious effort to think more logically. A single biscuit is not going to undo all the good work you have done. Instead, identify what led to the lapse.

Was it that you skipped lunch and were too hungry?

Were you stressed or angry?

Once you identify the trigger, find a solution to prevent it happening in the future.

Using a programme such as WeightWatchers is good as you are allowed sins so can still have the odd treat here and there.

2)   Notice Your Language

The way we speak, both to in our own mind and to other people, has a huge impact on our actions and behaviours. Often people use words such as "try," "should" and "need to." For example,

"I really should lose weight because it's not healthy to be this big."

The problem with these words, is that it makes our subconscious mind think we are being told what to do. It sounds like someone else is telling us what to do. When this happens we naturally want to rebel.

Change your language to words which are more positive and put you in control. "Can," "choose" and "want" are good examples. For example,

"I choose to go to the gym today because I want to lose weight, so I can feel confident at the party."

3)   Use a visual image

Your subconscious mind understands visual images very well. Find a picture which represents how you want to look when you have lost the weight. This could be an old photo of yourself or even a photo of a celebrity or a certain outfit you'd love to wear. Put this image somewhere you will regularly see it. This is a great motivator.

4)   Make a specific goal and tell others.

With any goal in life, it is important to make it specific. Instead of telling yourself that you want to lose weight, specify how much you would like to lose. This could be a specific number of pounds or a number of clothes sizes. Once you have clarified your goal, tell other people. You don't need to take out a billboard ad! But tell family and friends. This adds an extra level of motivation.  

5)   Set yourself up to win

To stay on track, you need to feel successful. If you haven't exercised in 15 years, don't aim to go to the gym for 2 hours a day. You will fail to reach your target and will feel disheartened and give up. Set yourself up to win. Aim for 10 minutes of exercise per day. Then anything above this is a bonus.

Here is a lovely comment from one of my recent clients about how hypnotherapy helped her.

 "After years of battling with my weight and yo-yo dieting, I came across a recommendation to visit Catherine to see if hypnotherapy really could work.

After just one really enjoyable visit Catherine has already successfully enabled me to not only give up chocolate, but also to stop snacking between meals.

Catherine is extremely smart, professional, understanding and empathetic. The hypnotherapy session itself was so relaxing, I came away feeling energised and motivated. 

I had a second session just to bolster the first and this time concentrated on exercising without dreading it and making healthy food options at all meals. I came away from that session and went to a High Intensity Interval Training Class with my daughter and I am 61!!! Totally enjoyed it and this is all thanks to Catherine.

There is extra help outside of the sessions provided too. I simply couldn't recommend her more highly."

As promised, you can have access to my Weight Loss MP3 (usually £10) absolutely free. Just email me here.

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy, well-being and personal development, please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.

Mindfulness

You may have heard of mindfulness and maybe wondered what it is. People often wonder what the difference is between hypnotherapy, mindfulness and meditation. Which is most beneficial to mental well-being, can also be confusing. In truth all three are very similar and all are beneficial, particularly for minimising stress and anxiety.

Today's post will explain a little more about mindfulness and how you can incorporate it into your own life.

At any time, we can focus on the past, the present or the future. During a typical day, we will focus on all three at different times. For example, focussing on the past, while remembering instances from our childhood. Or thinking about the work we need to get done tomorrow, which moves our focus into the future. Or concentrating on a game of tennis we are playing in the here and now. Of course, we need to shift our attention between the past, present and future in order to function properly. However, when people dwell excessively on the past, it can lead to feelings of depression. This can be because the past was unpleasant and we feel sad that this was the case. Alternatively, if we dwell excessively on a very enjoyable past, it can lead to feelings of sadness because you perceive that things aren't as good now.

Conversely, focussing excessively on the future commonly leads to feelings of anxiety.

Mindfulness teaches you to be present in the moment, which leads to a sense of peace and calm. This technique is particularly beneficial for alleviating stress and anxiety.

You can easily incorporate mindfulness into your life by following these simple steps:

1. Lie on your bed and close your eyes.
2. Breathe slowly and deeply. Imagine counting 1 on your inhalation, 2 on your exhalation, 3 on the next inhalation and so on until you reach 10. Then start the counting again.
3. Listen to the sounds within the building you are in. Then extend that out to listen out for sounds outside the window.
4. Notice the sensations of your breathing, the way your chest rises and falls with each breath.
5. Scan through your body from the top of your head to the tips of your toes, noticing the sensations in each part of your body as you do so.

A quick word of caution. Although mindfulness is typically prescribed to anyone who suffers with anxiety, it is not suitable for people who have health related anxiety.

As you become more familiar with the technique of mindfulness, you can incorporate it into your day to day life, for example, noticing the sounds around you as you walk to work.

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.

The dreaded team meeting

His hands were sweaty. His heart was racing, as it had been since they had all filed into the meeting room. He could feel his face was bright red. He was fidgeting with the pen in his hand, trying to calm himself down, not listening to the words any of his colleagues were saying, while simultaneously painfully aware of whose turn it was to speak. Three more people, then it was Pete's turn to give his update to the group.

He hated the weekly team meeting. He knew it was ridiculous, but speaking to the group filled Pete with anxiety, which was getting worse over time. Usually one of the most dedicated and conscientious members of staff, he had pulled a sicky two weeks ago when he was scheduled to chair the meeting. Panic not pride had accompanied his boss's recent suggestion that he go for a promotion.

Although Pete is a fictional character, this story is one I see all the time as a hypnotherapist.

Situations such as:

• speaking up in team meetings,
• giving presentations and
• having conversations with your boss

are very intimidating for many of us.

Unfortunately, as well as being a horrible way to feel, it can really hold you back in your career. Time and time again I meet people who avoided promotions because they didn't want to present to groups.

Thankfully this is treatable. A very beneficial technique is Systematic Desensitization.

You can do this yourself as follows:

1. Get yourself into a lovely relaxed state by lying on your bed, closing your eyes and breathing slowly and deeply.
2. When you are very relaxed, imagine yourself in your team meeting. Really imagine it as vividly as possible, engaging all of your senses.
3. As you imagine yourself coping in a very calm, relaxed way, hold onto that level of physical relaxation.
4. Imagine confidently delivering your talk.
5. As you continue to focus on maintaining that relaxation, imagine through to the end of the meeting, when you all leave the room.
6. Repeat as often as possible.

This techniques works by making a new association in your mind between relaxation and team meetings. You can't be very relaxed and very anxious at the same time. It's physically impossible due to the neurotransmitters which are released in each state. So by pairing the team meeting situation with relaxation, you remove the anxiety.

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy, well-being and personal development, please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.

5 Public Speaking Tips

What is the biggest limiting factor in your career progression?
For a huge number of people, the one thing that hinders them, is a fear of public speaking.

A recent client of mine was offered a promotion. Already the manager of a small team, the promotion involved managing an entire department. Although she was more than capable of doing the work, she turned the promotion down, because the new job required her to deliver presentations. Unfortunately this story is very common. Whether it's delivering big presentation, speaking to the MD or having regular team meetings, public speaking fear drastically holds back your career.

Here are five simple ways to be more confident.

1) Positive self-talk.

Notice the way you talk to yourself in your own mind. Do you say things to yourself such as,
"I'm terrible at presenting,"
"I always go bright red,"
"I'm boring,"
"People will think I'm stupid."

Even the most confident speakers would feel anxious if their inner monologue was this negative before a talk. Imagine someone you care about. Perhaps a best friend or sibling. Would you ever tell them they looked stupid? Or that they were terrible at presenting? No, of course you wouldn't. So don't say it to yourself. Talk to yourself in your own mind in an encouraging way, as if you are motivating a best friend.

2) Challenge yourself

We all have a comfort circle around us. The problem is, when we fear certain situations, we tend to avoid them. The result is our circle of comfort gets smaller. To become more confident you need to challenge yourself instead of avoiding situations. Challenge yourself to speak to a senior colleague, speak up in a team meeting or ask a question during a presentation.

3) Toastmasters

Toastmasters are a wonderful organization, with meetings all over the world, whose aim is to teach people how to present well. It doesn't matter if you can speak comfortably to a room full of people for ten minutes or are too nervous to introduce yourself, Toastmasters can accommodate you. It is a great way to build confidence and skill at public speaking.

4) Imagine through to the end.

When we think about something we fear, we tend to imagine the worst part. When you imagine future presentations or ones you have done in the past, you probably imagine the part when you first stand up and everyone looks at you. Our minds then get stuck in the most fear inducing part of the experience. Change the way you think. Imagine presentations through to the end. Whether it is remembering past presentations or thinking about future ones, imagine through to the end when you thank your audience, receive a round of applause and return to your seat. This teaches your mind that you are ok in that situation and it does end.

5) Fear Of Public Speaking Hypnosis MP3

Download a great hypnosis MP3, to easily overcome this fear here.

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10 Ways To Feel Happy

Want an easy way to lift your mood and feel great? Here are 10 simple things you can do today to feel instantly better.

1) Take some gentle exercise, preferably outside. Exercise gets our blood flowing, which gets rid of that lethargic feeling we sometimes have when we're feeling down. We also feel a sense of accomplishment when we exercise and of course, there are the obvious health benefits. You don't have to run a marathon to get these benefits, a walk outside will provide many of the same mood lifting properties. If you can get some exercise outside, this is even better as sunlight is good for our mood.

2) Do something for yourself every day. Often, if we are feeling low, and particularly if we have low self-esteem, we have a tendency to put everyone else's needs before our own. So, perhaps you make sure your boss, children, friends, parents etc. are all happy each day, leaving no energy for yourself. Each time we do this we are subconsciously telling ourselves,
"I'm not important. My needs are not as important as other people's."
Each time we send this subconscious message to ourselves, our self-esteem takes another knock. To feel good, take some time everyday to do something that is just for you. This isn't something you should do or need to do. It's not a chore or obligation. It's something you want to do. For me, it is taking time to have a nice coffee and read a travel magazine, in a beautiful location. Even if it is just for ten minutes per day, for those ten minutes you are subconsciously telling yourself,
"I'm important. My needs are important and I deserve to be happy."

3) Accept compliments with a thank you. When we are feeling low we have a tendency to deflect compliments. For example,
"You look lovely in that dress."
"Oh this old thing. Nah, I've had it for ages and it makes my arse look huge."
Sound familiar?
Accept compliments with a thank you is a great way to boost self-confidence. It's also more polite to the person giving you the compliment.

4) Write down three good things about yourself each day. This is another great way to boost self-confidence, which in turn helps you to feel better in every area of your life. These could be things you like about your physical appearance, talents you have, things you've done well that day, being a good friend etc. It's important to write these down, not just think them, as seeing them in written form imprints them into your mind more effectively.

5) Write down three good things about the day. When we are feeling a bit sad or depressed, our perception of the world changes. We notice the things that go wrong each day. We dwell on the negative and filter out the positive. This distorted view of the world makes our mood even worse and exacerbates the problem. A good way to break this negative cycle is to write down at least three good things about each day. If you struggle with this, start small. For example:

• The Spring flowers are out in the garden.
• I'm lucky enough to have enough money to feed my family every day
• I heard a song I really like on the radio.

6) Watch some comedy. They say laughter is the best medicine and there is certainly some truth in this statement. When you're feeling a bit low, watch some stand up comedy on TV or a comedy film. It's a great way to lift your mood.

7) Spend time with people who make you feel good. We are social animals and we need human interaction. Choose the people you associate with wisely. We all have those people in our lives who make us feel a bit crap. It could be that they are criticize us, are confrontational or are very negative.When you need to lift your mood, make a conscious effort to spend time with people who are upbeat, kind and make you feel good.

8) Set yourself up to win. In modern life we put a lot of pressure on ourselves. We want to have a thriving career, be the perfect parent, have a busy social life and look fantastic. Often when we achieve a goal, such as a promotion, we immediately start focussing on the next target. This creates a feeling that we are constantly failing. Create ways you can win each day. When you are setting goals for the day, have some small, achievable ones on there. If you have a To Do list make sure this includes some smaller items. These small wins create a feeling of success, which keeps you motivated and happy.

9) Focus on the here and now. We can focus on the past, the present or the future. Of course, we need to allocate some time to each, to function normally. However, when people dwell excessively on the past, it can lead to depression. On the other hand, when people focus excessively on the future, it can lead to feelings of anxiety. Focus on the here and now, what is going on today, what you can see, hear and experience around you right now, what makes you happy today. This is a great way to boost your happiness.

10) Download my Boost Confidence Hypnosis MP3 below.

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy, well-being and personal development, please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.

How To Overcome Insomnia

Insomnia is a very common problem and can have a huge negative impact on your quality of life. Sometimes insomnia can be a life long problem, sometimes it starts during periods of stress or sometimes it starts for no apparent reason.

There are a few simple strategies which can help to improve your sleep. Avoiding caffeine late in the day will help. Aim to do more exercise. Throughout the day our bodies produce a hormone called adenosine. The levels of adenosine increase throughout the day as we do more activity. The higher the level the sleepier we feel. Doing regular exercise further increases the level of adenosine.

Another hormone which plays an important role in sleep is melatonin. Our eyes detect the light levels in our environment. As it gets darker, our eyes detect the decreasing light levels and release a hormone called melatonin, in response to this. Melatonin causes us to feel drowsy. One of the problems with modern life is that we look at a lot of light emitting screens, such as computers, TVs and phones. When we do this in the evening, it tricks our brain into thinking it is still day time and the body does not produce enough melatonin.
If you are struggling with insomnia, avoid light emitting screens in the evening. Switch to reading a paper book or magazine instead.

Often, we have thoughts running through our head when we are trying to sleep. This could be things we have to do tomorrow. They could be worries and stresses. These intrusive thoughts can keep us awake at night. A good solution is to keep a notebook by your bed. You can write down these thoughts in your notebook and park them for the night. This is particularly useful if you are thinking about things you have to get done the next day.

Insomnia is often linked to stress. When we are chronically stressed, one of our biological systems, called the sympathetic nervous system, stimulates the fight or flight response. When we are chronically in this fight or flight mode, it plays havoc with our sleep patterns. Take stress seriously and take steps to manage it. Perhaps you could start meditation, ask for more help from friends and family or speak to your boss about reducing your work load.

Hypnotherapy is very effective for treating both stress and insomnia so please do get in touch to find out more.

Here are some of the lovely things my previous clients have said about how hypnotherapy helped with insomnia.

"Having gone down many routes in the past to try and rectify my debilitating sleep problem, I went to see Catherine.  After only two sessions, I found to my surprise, regular sleep patterns started to return.  The CD that was supplied was extremely helpful in enabling me to relax and not dwell on the problems that were causing my sleep deprivation.  I would recommend Catherine to anyone with a similar problem."



"Thank you for your help. I still wake up but am now able to go back to sleep again which is amazing! This morning I woke at 7:30, which is a first for me!"

"I have been making great progress with CDs and techniques you have shown me to get a better nights sleep. I'm happy to say its working and I'm waking up much less than before, and more often than not sleeping through the night. I would like to take this opportunity to thank you for your help, you really have made a difference."

If you would like more information about hypnotherapy, well-being and personal development, please subscribe to my newsletter in the top right.

Boost Self-Confidence - 3 Week Online Course

The perfect solution if you:

• lack self-esteem
• doubt yourself or worry about not being good enough
• suffer from social anxiety
• find it difficult to speak up at work
• find big groups of people intimidating

While one to one, personalised hypnotherapy sessions are undoubtedly the best way to overcome self-confidence issues, sometimes money can be tight and it can be difficult to commit to a course of therapy in my clinic.

This digital course is the perfect, affordable alternative.

The Boost Self-Confidence course is set over three weeks. Each week you will receive an audio recording of a session, a hypnosis MP3 and homework tasks to complete.

The full course is £99 in total.

Please note that I send the courses out manually so there will be a delay between purchasing the course and receiving it.

Here are some of the lovely things people have said about how hypnotherapy has helped with self-esteem issues.

"I felt much calmer and less anxious.  Catherine gave me a few tips to help with my thought process and I've found myself thinking clearer and I'm able to think positively rather than thinking negatively by focusing on what may happen.  I've really enjoyed the MP3's and can honestly see a big improvement in how I feel.  Thank you"

"Since the course of hypnotherapy my daughter presents herself with a new found confidence – even to people she knew before.  She speaks to lecturers at College if she needs to question anything, although this might be waiting until the rest of the class has left, but she would never have done this before.  I would highly recommend Catherine for anyone having an issue with confidence, especially young people as she certainly makes them feel at ease and improves their outlook on life. "

"You have truly been a miracle worker for us. We both feel so much more relaxed, confident and positive and now looking forward to the future and not just existing anymore. I would and will recommend you to anyone who has any issues they want to treat with hypnotherapy."

How To Overcome Social Anxiety

As a hypnotherapist, one of the most common issues I treat, is social anxiety. This issue can manifest in a number of different ways, from avoiding nights out, to not speaking up in groups, to wanting to plan every detail of the event.

As well as social situations, this type of anxiety is very commonly experienced in the work place. Lots of people find team meetings very intimidating or get very nervous when speaking to their boss.

Social anxiety is one of these issues which has a huge impact on your wellbeing. It is horrible feeling anxious. It also holds you back in life. I've met people who have avoided going to university because they are so worried about meeting new people. I've also encountered people who have been held back in their career because they have been too shy to put their ideas forward or deliberately avoid interviews.

So, how do you overcome social anxiety? How do you become less shy?

The first way is to push your comfort level. We all have a circle of comfort around us. Inside the circle are the things we are comfortable with doing, for example, spending time with close family. Towards the edge of the circle are the things which make us mildly uncomfortable, for example, walking into the cafeteria at work on our own. Outside the circle are the things we avoid, for example, a party where we don't know many people. The problem is, that as we start to avoid the things on the edge of the circle, our circle of comfort gets smaller. So, one way to widen that comfort circle and to decrease anxiety, is to keep challenging yourself to do things, which are just beyond your comfort level. Challenge yourself to do one thing per day, for example:

• Present an idea to your boss.
• Volunteer to speak in a team meeting
• Start a conversation with the cashier in the supermarket
• Go for a coffee on your own

Each time you do one of these challenges, you prove to yourself that you can do it. You also realise that nothing disastrous happens.

The second way to overcome social anxiety is to notice the way you speak to yourself, in your own mind. We all have an inner monologue, going on inside our own minds, all of the time. Sometimes this inner monologue can be very critical and negative. For example:

• I'll make an idiot of myself if I speak up
• I haven't got anything interesting to say
• Everyone will think I'm boring
• People might make fun of me

Sometimes this critical inner voice stems from things said to us in our childhood. Sometimes it stems from beliefs we have picked up through our adult lives. However, it can be changed. You do not have to get stuck with this internal criticism.

Whenever you find yourself being negative, stop and think of someone you love very much. Would you say the same thing to them? No, you wouldn't. So don't say it to yourself. It is so important for your general happiness and confidence, that you speak to yourself as if you are your own best friend.

Another great way to boost self-confidence and overcome social anxiety is by using the Confidence Hypnosis MP3, which is available here.

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Accessing A Positive State Of Mind - The Golf Mind Set Series - Issue 4

A great performance in any sport involves a great deal of mind-body interaction. Golf possibly more than others. As a golfer, you know how your mood can affect your game. You are probably familiar with how challenging it can be to get yourself into the right frame of mind.

This is the forth blog in the Golf Mindset Series. To maximize your golf performance, you can also read Post 1, Post 2 and Post 3.

Getting yourself in to the right frame of mind, or state, is crucial to golfing success. If you believe you will perform badly, then you will. You know how sometimes you feel very confident, as though you could take on anyone and win. Other times you are dreading even starting the round. So what is it that causes these differences? And how can you always be in the good state?

A range of things can cause us to be in a good or bad frame of mind. Often it is external triggers, also called anchors. Common anchors related to golf are:

• What the weather is like
• Whether you got caught in traffic on the way to the course
• Who you're playing with
• What your work environment was like earlier in the day

All sorts of things affect our mind set and can change our state, putting us into a positive or negative state of mind. 

Anchors exist every day in our day to day lives, not just related to golf. For example, if you hear a song of the radio which reminds you of a good night out, and makes you laugh, the song is the anchor and the state is fun and laughter. Or, if you smell a perfume which reminds you of someone you used to know, and makes you feel nostalgic, the perfume is the anchor and the state is nostalgia. 

The good news is that we can use the phenomenon of anchoring to our advantage. You can create a trigger to instantly get you back into a good positive state of mind for playing golf. 

You do this as follows. Close your eyes and remember your best game. Really engage your imagination. Remember the best bits in clear detail. Use all of your senses to recall what you could see around you, how light it was, what you could hear and smell, how the club felt in your hand and the position of your body. When you are fully back in the memory create a trigger word and say it aloud to yourself. A trigger word could be something like, 'win,' 'play,' 'shot' or anything else which you feel works well for the situation. Repeat this process several times and you will firmly establish a link between the trigger word and the positive state. You can then use this trigger word whenever you want to feel confident about winning. 

Anchoring is a wonderful skill to learn and you can use this skill in many areas of your life.

Have you ever used anchoring? Do you have any other hints for improving your golf game. If so please do add them in the comments below.

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Improve Your Golf Game While Sitting On the Couch. The Golf Mind Set Series – Issue 3

Golf is one of those sports, in which success depends as much on your mind set, as it does on your physical ability. This series teaches you how to strengthen your mind set to fulfill your potential on the golf course.

This is the third blog in the Golf Mind Set Series. They can all be read independently but if you would like to find out more about improving your game, read Issue 1 and Issue 2.

We all have an inner monologue, happening all the time. We use self-talk almost every moment of every day, often without even being consciously aware of it. Unfortunately, sometimes we can speak to ourselves in a very negative way, which of course affects our mood and performance. Self-talk is very powerful. If a world class golfer had a little voice on his shoulder, for just one day, saying,
"You're going to screw it up,"
"It's going to be so embarrassing to miss that shot,"
even the world's best golfers are going to be affected by that and probably have a poor game, and that's just if they had negative self-talk for one day. If you are using negative self-talk a significant percentage of the time you step on to the course, of course you are going to mess things up.

Start to notice the way you talk to yourself in your own mind, both before the game and during it.

If you notice overly negative or critical statements, start to change them. Imagine you are a coach. What would you say to your client? Would you say these critical things to them? Or would you use more positive, motivational statements. Start to talk to yourself in your own mind as if you were your own coach, someone who has your best interests at heart.

It sounds simple, but changing the way we speak to ourselves in our own minds has a massive impact. Talking positively to yourself calms your nerves and puts you into a positive state of mind, and as you well know, so much of golf is about your state of mind.

Your state at any given moment will also affect your performance. When we refer to state we are talking about how you are in the present moment. How is your mind set? How are you using your body? How is your mood? You know sometimes you have been in a really wonderful state, you have felt on top of the world and your golf game has reflected this. Other times you have had a terrible week at work, stress at home and been in a tense state. Again, this will be reflected in your golf game. You might think that your state is beyond your control and you are a victim to your circumstances. However, this is not the case. You can learn to access a positive, resourceful state whenever you need to.

The first step is to become more aware of the differences between a good state, when you feel on top of the world and play a brilliant game, and a bad state when you fell tense, nervous and convinced you will fail. They way to become aware of these differences is to use a technique called Mindfulness. You can do this as follows:

1. Close your eyes and take some deep slow breaths
2. Start to count your breaths, one on your inhalation, two on your exhalation and so on up to ten. When you reach ten start again. 
3. Pay attention to the physical sensations of your breathing. Notice where you feel the breathing. 
4. Scan through your body and notice all the different physical sensations. 
5. Now become aware of the sounds around you.
6. Then become aware of your thoughts. Don't try to stop or control your thoughts. Just notice how they flit in and out of your mind. 
7. Notice your mood and how you feel emotionally in this preset moment. Again you are not trying to stop or change it, just noticing your mood.
8. Remember a time when you were at your peak, playing your best game of golf. Remember it as vividly as you can and use all your senses to really immerse yourself in the memory.
9. Become aware of the following in your best game of golf:
• How you were breathing
• How you were speaking to yourself in your mind
• What was your posture
• What were you thinking about as you took the shot
• What were your eyes focusing on
• What speed did you swing
10. Now imagine using all the same methods in a future game and see yourself playing the perfect game. 

This exercise helps you to become more aware of the difference between different states. Once you can identify how you do things in a peak state, you can adopt these strategies into all of your games. If your would like an audio file to guide you through this process, please get in touch here.

Please do let me know if you found this article useful and what else you would like to see included in the Golf Mind Set Series.

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The History of Hypnosis

Many of my clients are interested in the origins of hypnotherapy. This post explains the evolution of hypnotherapy and how hypnotherapy fits in with general trends in the field of psychology, over the years.

It's quite a technical, heavy blog but great for those of you with an interest in psychology.

Hypnotherapy and hypnosis is continually evolving and changing. How and why it changes is dependent on what is popular at the time, new research and scientific discoveries and how it is portrayed in the media, among other things.

Hypnosis as a phenomena has been around for centuries, and there is evidence of it having been used as far back as the ancient Egyptian times, where it was used in sleep temples, which were used for healing. Throughout the dark ages hypnotic phenomena and processes were often associated with exorcisms. 

Magnetic healing and the field of magnetism as a healing process also became popular throughout the 16th and 17th century. Mesmer (1734-1815) took the ideas of magnetism and developed mesmerism which was similar to the stage hypnosis we are familiar with these days. Mesmerism became very popular and Mesmer would hold parties where large tubs would be filled with water and iron filings which Mesmer would then apparently magnetize. The individual at these gatherings would have all sorts of reactions such as hysteria, crying, fainting and convulsing. Following Mesmer and mesmerism other proponents of mesmerism such as Marquis De Puysegur (1751-1825) and Abbe de Faria (1756-1819) developed the field further and introduced concepts such as artificial somnambulism, animal magnetism and lucid sleep.

James Braid (1795-1860) is often considered the father of modern hypnosis. James Braid was an optometrist. He was interested in the field of mesmerism and how it worked, although he did not generally believe the theories. Braid coined the term hypnosis and also developed the eye fixation induction which is still popular among hypnotherapists and hypnotists today.

During the early part of the 20th century the work of Freud, popularized the concept of a subconscious mind. Freud's practices, often referred to as psychoanalytic or psychodynamic therapy, used hypnosis to access the subconscious mind. 

By the 1960s the popularity of psychoanalytic therapy, developed in the earlier part of the 20^th century had decreased. By the 1960s hypnotherapy had been endorsed as a treatment by both the British and American medical associations. A particularly prominent figure in the world of hypnosis during the 1960s was Dave Elman. Dave Elman helped to promote the use of hypnosis as a medical tool during the 1960s. Along with the endorsement of hypnotherapy the 1950s and 1960s also saw new ideas about hypnosis which challenged the state theories of hypnosis which had been prevalent since the ideas of mesmerism in previous centuries. State theories propose that hypnosis is a unique state. with specific phenomena which can not be detected in the non-hypnotized state. Non-state theory proposes that hypnosis is not different from general relaxation. Three notable individuals, Sarbin, Spanos and Barber, particularly pioneered the non-state theory of hypnosis. Sarbin put forward the idea of ‘Role Enactment’, Role Enactment suggested that the hypnotherapy client was playing a role of being hypnotized and this is how hypnosis was induced. Spanos rejected the state theory of hypnosis in favour of the theory of Goal Directed Fantasy. Spanos also developed the Carleton Skills Training Program, which showed that hypnotizability can improve with practise. Barber suggested that hypnosis was not a special state and instead was the result of Imaginal Absorption. Barber was a Cognitive-Behavioural Therapist.

Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy (CBT) was developed in the 1960s. CBT was based on the Rational Emotive Therapy (RET) developed by Albert Ellis in the mid 1950s (although it was not named RET until the 1990s). Ellis developed RET as an alternative to what he considered to be the ineffectiveness of psychodynamic therapy. Ellis had been influenced by behaviourists, such as John Dollard, Neal Miller, and Joseph Wolpe, and George Kelly. In addition to being born out of the work of Ellis and the behaviourists, CBT was also based on the work of Aaron Beck in the 1960s. Beck developed Cognitive Therapy, which at the time was a breakthrough treatment for depression.

Around this time the work of Milton Erickson was becoming increasingly influential. Erickson’s approach did not fit into any of the existing schools of psychotherapy. It was not psychodynamic, behavioural or cognitive behavioural approaches. He used a lot of hypnotherapy in his work which brought hypnotherapy back into psychotherapy after it had been out of fashion in this field for some time. Erickson’s methods did not seem to follow any set rules and his treatment methods varied from client to client. This help to develop the ideas of a more client centred approach in hypnotherapy. One element of Erickson’s approach which was particularly notable was his use of language. He developed a lot of hypnotic language which is still used a great deal by hypnotherapists today.

The new approaches of non-state hypnosis in the 1960s along with the development of CBT in the 1960s opened the door for new innovations in psychotherapy and personal development throughout the 1970s. Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) was developed during the 1970s by Bandler and Grinder and continued to evolve right through the 1980s and 1990s. NLP was based on the idea of doing, rather than theorizing and has heavily influenced by the work of Erikson. Bandler and Grinder published Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson Volume I (1975), followed in 1977 by Patterns of the Hypnotic Techniques of Milton H. Erickson Volume II. NLP sharply moved away from the previously held ideas of behaviourism. During the 1990s attempts were made to consolidate the work within NLP into a more formalized structure. There had been various legal arguments and disputes within NLP which were finally settled in 2001 allowing NLP to be made into a more professional practice.

Irving Kirsch (1943-present) is the biggest contributor to date in terms of research into hypnosis. Kirsch currently splits his time between lecturing at universities in the USA and the UK. He has developed theories relating to the role of expectancy in hypnosis. This theory is called Kirsch’s Response Expectancy Theory and it details the link between the placebo effect and hypnosis. Kirsch has also contributed a lot of research on anti-depressants. This work has helped the field of mental health to look at other forms of therapy as opposed to always using drug therapy, as Kirsch found the drug effect to be surprisingly small.

Throughout the 1990s CBT and NLP remained popular forms of psychotherapy and personal development. Hypnosis, however became increasingly popular as a form of entertainment. Paul McKenna had a very popular show on TV which depicted hypnosis and something to be used as a tool to make others make fools of themselves. Derren Brown, in the first decade of the 21^st century continued to use hypnotism as a form of entertainment. 

Throughout the 1990s, 2000s and this decade there was a boom of self-help books. A lot of these were based on the CBT model. Hypnosis CDs also started to be marketed which effectively brought hypnotherapy to the masses. The sorts of issues that are associated with hypnotherapy have also changed recently. The Hypnotic Gastric Band for example, is a very popular procedure now. However, this treatment was unheard of 10 years ago.

Hypnosis continues to be an area which attracts a lot of attention and research. Modern researchers include Martin Orne of the University of Pennsylvania and Graham Wagstaff of Liverpool University who have both published widely on the subject. Technological developments within the last 10 years have allowed us to study hypnosis in greater depth. The use of technology such as EEG scans and PET scans allows us to view the human brain in hypnosis.

The fields of psychology and hypnosis are fascinating and I'm sure will continue to develop dramatically in the next few decades. 

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It’s not hard but it’s hard to talk about!

So, erectile dysfunction. Of course you don’t suffer from it, but maybe you have a ‘friend’ who does?  It’s very common but rarely discussed openly. Losing an erection or failing to get an erection is a very common problem which affects most men at some point in their lives. Sex is an important part of life and this problem can often cause you to lose confidence, your relationships might suffer and it can make you feel anxious or down. Although it’s a very common problem, the good news is that there is a lot that can be done to help the situation.

Common causes of erectile dysfunction include stress, tiredness, worry, as well as physical problems such as impaired blood flow down there.

Let’s talk a little biology now.

Our autonomic nervous system is the part of our body which looks after things like our breathing, digestion, immune system, reproductive systems etc. Basically all the systems in your body which work without you being consciously aware, are controlled by your autonomic nervous system.

This system can be in one of two states:

A Fight or Flight State

A Rest and Reproduction State

When we are anxious or stressed our Fight or Flight Response is stimulated. This causes blood flow to be diverted to our arms and legs. It causes our heart rate and breathing to quicken and adrenaline to be released. All these reactions get us ready to run or fight. When the Fight or Flight response kicks in, sex and erections are suppressed. After all, if you had to run from danger the last thing you would want would be an erection!

This system worked brilliantly when we evolved and were subjected to short term stress, such as running from a predator. Unfortunately, in modern life, we can be stressed about work, difficult relationships or social pressures. This means we are often stressed chronically.

When this happens, the Rest and Reproduction System is suppressed over a long period of time, often leading to erectile dysfunction. Of course, once erectile dysfunction becomes an issue you get anxious about it happening and this exacerbates the issue.

Erectile dysfunction can be caused by physical or psychological factors.

The most common physical cause of erectile dysfunction is restricted blood flow to the penis, causing by narrowing of the blood vessels. If you are suffering then do go and see your GP. If you are suffering with erectile dysfunction you should speak to your GP first to identify any underlying physical issues.

As a hypnotherapist I help men to overcome erectile dysfunction which has been caused by psychological factors. The key is to remove any anxiety related to sex. This turns off the Fight or Flight Response and turns on the Rest and Reproduction Response.

There is a great technique you can use to do this.

1) Get yourself into a lovely relaxed state, either by focussing on your breathing or imagining various parts of your body relaxing in turn.

2) When you feel very relaxed, double that level of relaxation, perhaps by imagining going down levels or walking down a flight of stairs, relaxing more with each step.

3) When you are really relaxed imagine yourself in bed with your partner. Really imagine it as vividly as possible, as if you're actually there. Notice what you see, hear and feel.

4) All the time concentrate on relaxation and hold on to that level of relaxation.

5) Imagine the whole scenario all the way through to the end and see yourself successfully getting and maintaining an erection and having good sex.

6) Repeat as often as possible.

Hypnotherapy is very effective for helping to overcome erectile dysfunction. If you would like a hypnosis MP3 to help you with this problem you can download one from:

http://www.cs-hypnotherapy.co.uk/Mp3download.aspx

How to combat low self-esteem

“I spend ages deciding what to wear before I go out because I don’t want people to judge me negatively,” said one of my clients, in her first consultation.

She went on to say that she was worried about getting found out that she wasn’t really good enough for her job. She was also avoiding taking a course at work because she was convinced she would fail.

These types of worries, assuming people are judging you negatively, assuming you will fail or get found out, or telling yourself you are not good enough, are all typical symptoms of low self-esteem.

As a hypnotherapist low self-esteem is probably the most common issue I treat.

Although it is an incredibly common issue, people tend not to talk about it. My clients often worry that they are strange or different. However, feeling like this is very common. People also often assume that it is just the way they are and that they have to continue through life feeling this way.

However, you do not. There are lots of wonderful ways to boost self-esteem. Our self-esteem underpins everything else. As our self-esteem improves we feel less anxious, happier, more confident, more capable and generally a lot better.

So, how can you boost your self-esteem?

First of all notice the way you talk to yourself in your own mind. Do you say things like;

“I look fat.”

“I have nothing interesting to say. Everyone will think I’m boring.”

“I’m not smart enough to get a promotion.”

“I always mess things up.”

Now, think about your best friend or sibling, someone you care about very much.

Imagine saying these things to them. You wouldn’t, would you? If you wouldn’t say these things to a best friend, you should not be saying them to yourself. Treat yourself as your own best friend. Talk to yourself in your own mind in a positive way.

When we have low self-esteem we often put the needs of other people above our own needs. Low self-esteem is putting a low value on ourselves. A great way to put our own needs first, to increase the value we place on ourselves, and in turn to boost self-esteem, is to do something everyday just for you. This isn’t something you need to do or have to do. It is something you want to do. I know for me this would be to have some time to myself, reading a travel magazine while enjoying a coffee in a café with a gorgeous view.

When we suffer with low self-esteem we often focus on the negative things about ourselves. We discount the positive. For example, if you receive a compliment do you instantly deflect it? Do you dwell excessively on a small criticism? If so, then this will contribute to low self-esteem.

A great way to combat this is to write down three good things about yourself every day. These could be physical features of yourself you like, skills and talents you have, or things you have done well that day. Feel free to write more than three. At first this can be very challenging but it gets easier with practice and you will notice a huge difference immediately.

Now that you are recognising the good things about yourself, you can start accepting the good things other people say about you. If you used to deflect compliments, start accepting compliments with a simple “thank you.” As well as boosting your self-esteem it is kinder to the person giving you the compliment.

Low-self esteem is very common, although many of us are not aware of how common it is. It can be very debilitating but the good news is that there are lots of simple, practical steps you can take to boost it. If you would like further information simply email cs@cs-hypnotherapy.co.uk. If you have comments, experiences or thoughts which could help others, please add them to the comments below.

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